Blonde

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the Casino,and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckierwhen I'm completely nude."With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down andsquealed..."YES, YES, I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men.

"There are as many kinds of beauty as there are habitual ways of seeking happiness. "

Scottish logic

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow policeman.
He thinks that he is smarter than the policeman because he is a lawyer from
LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He
decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow policeman's
expense!!

The policeman says, ' Licence and registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What for?'

The policeman says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow policeman says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and
registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

The policeman says, 'The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop,
that's the law. Licence and registration, please!'

London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me
the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow policeman says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the hell out of the
lawyer and says, 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?'

Australian Tourism Website...

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.Milk is illegal .

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour...

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS...

When I die I want to feel like I lived a fulfilled life. Before I die I want to encourage as many people as possible to seek the knowledge and truth that will paint a path to happiness.

"The Four Agreements" reinforced qualities that were already etched within, and dormant within this physical body I occupy.
The Four Agreements reinforced the common principle always do your best. This belief inspired me to take the risk to express my dreams. I have realized that taking action is about living life to its fullest and expressing the person that I am. Many people try to do their best for one reason: reward. I have learned that I should do my best and take action because I love it, not because I expect a reward. When you go through life without expecting your actions to be rewarded, you enjoy every action, and you can receive even greater rewards than you imagined. I have learned I don’t need the acceptance of others. I have the right to be myself, and express my own individuality by living and by life and myself.
Being impeccable with my word is way of life, not an occasional occurrence. I have learned being true to my word can lead me to personal freedom, success, and an abundance of happiness. I have found that what I say and what I do can change me, as well as the people around me, in a positive or negative way. My aspirations as an individual manifest through my power of words. What I dream, what I feel, and who I really am is revealed through my word. This virtue has led to an unbelievable amount of trust between me and everyone I encounter on a daily basis. In this world, people will trust you unless you give them reason not to. People often assume this power of truth is not as important as I stress, or when they need this power they will use it. These people are mistaken, being impeccable with your word is something that must be done day, after day, after day, otherwise the lack of consistency is simply hypocritical and flaws the individual furthermore.
I believe this next agreement goes hand in hand with be impeccable with your word. This personal agreement is do not make assumptions. As people go through life, they learn about certain people, cultures, and principles. After obtaining some knowledge or hearing someone else’s opinion they often make assumptions. This book has taught me to get to know others as clearly as possible to avoid misunderstanding which ultimately leads to sadness. There is no reason to assume anything or anybody should be a certain way. If we try to change them, this means we don’t really like them, hence causing pain. All of the sadness and drama I have experienced throughout life originated by making assumptions, and taking things personally. Without assumptions, the world would be a better place. Making assumptions can be related to the common cliched phrase; “don’t judge a book by its cover”, because the cover is usually misleading.
The hardest, yet most important agreement to me is don’t take anything personally. Taking things personally is the greatest expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me”. When you don’t take things personally you can never be hurt by what other people say or do. I refuse to take things personally because it makes me vulnerable to people that practice hate. These monsters can grab your attention with one little opinion, and feast on your emotions. I have learned that what other people say and do is the expression of their own world and reality. As long as I stay immune to their negativity, I won’t be a candidate for unnecessary suffering. As long as I don’t take anything personally, I am achieving personal freedom. No one can negatively affect me, regardless of how strong their words or actions may be. Through this power I can achieve an infinite and ongoing amount of personal freedom and happiness

Rafal Olbinski

Rafal Olbinski - born in Poland town of Kielce he has lived and work in USA since 1985 where he is professor at the famous school of Visual Art in New York.

Rafal is versatile artist : graphic, painter, stage designer, and most recently short animated movie Director. The medium that made him famous is the art of opera posters.

His excellent technique, a rich spectrum of deep coloursand a surrealistic imagination that moves freely with a discrete sense of humour inside the world of symbols.

I invite you to enter Rafal Olbinski's beautiful and fascinating world.

Who knows what you will find there...

Rafal Olbinski - various pantings

Rafal Olbinski - Opera posts around the world

Rafal Olbinski - Opera posts in Poland

Rafal Olbinski paintings

Sculptures in Berlin.